Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Walk of Shame today included voting.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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