He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
