.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
