Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
