Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
