My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Quick, to the slutcave!
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
