update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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