Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Holy sore nipples Batman
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
