if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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