I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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