I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
