I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
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She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
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I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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