Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
