I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
