so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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