Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
