just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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