I just saw a hot homeless man
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
