I think i sorta joined a cult last night
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
