Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
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You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
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Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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