Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
