Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Sorry about my life...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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