I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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