im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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