He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
