she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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