I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
