i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
