I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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