i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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