I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
