Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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