the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
