ya dads aren't the best wingmen
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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