Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
