pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
