What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
