we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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