fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?