Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(858): View more from California

I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.

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(858): I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell. http://tfl.nu/6q5z

Replies (6) Good night (617) Bad night (1886)
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(915): View more from Texas

After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.

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(915): After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't. http://tfl.nu/4b73

Replies (19) Good night (627) Bad night (2801)
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(541): View more from Oregon

we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.

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(541): we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off. http://tfl.nu/ziys

Replies (69) Good night (1368) Bad night (5450)
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(323): View more from California

I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...

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(323): I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me... http://tfl.nu/algl

Replies (18) Good night (5795) Bad night (1196)
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(404): View more from Georgia

His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.

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(404): His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me. http://tfl.nu/ej9i

Replies (17) Good night (6576) Bad night (993)
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(443): View more from Maryland

she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.

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(443): she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise. http://tfl.nu/igb9

Replies (9) Good night (2282) Bad night (752)
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(989): View more from Michigan

we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.

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(989): we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through. http://tfl.nu/1jmj

Replies (9) Good night (3124) Bad night (621)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."

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(617): I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes." http://tfl.nu/5alc

Replies (31) Good night (3408) Bad night (1336)
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(623): View more from Arizona

He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon

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(623): He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon http://tfl.nu/msr7

Replies (5) Good night (1541) Bad night (587)
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(224): View more from Illinois

I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.

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(224): I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store. http://tfl.nu/th0h

Replies (57) Good night (1506) Bad night (2547)
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(765): View more from Indiana

Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.

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(765): Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown. http://tfl.nu/booj

Replies (7) Good night (995) Bad night (462)
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(705): View more from Ontario

My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.

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(705): My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class. http://tfl.nu/olmr

Replies (16) Good night (2008) Bad night (378)
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(573): View more from Missouri

Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals

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(573): Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals http://tfl.nu/3npx

Replies (5) Good night (733) Bad night (327)
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(802): View more from Vermont

Omg that was my second thought of the morning.

(802): View more from Vermont

First was that we had pop tarts.

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(802): Omg that was my second thought of the morning. (802): First was that we had pop tarts. http://tfl.nu/egcs

Replies (0) Good night (395) Bad night (223)
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(903): View more from Texas

And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention

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(903): And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention http://tfl.nu/er1v

Replies (1) Good night (740) Bad night (184)

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