When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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