dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
