i think my mom watched the whole time
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
