So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
