Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
BRING THE BAGELS
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
