I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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