God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
