If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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