are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
