There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize