Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You are a genius and a whore.
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