i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
