Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
