Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
