He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
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We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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