Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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