How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize