Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
