you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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