That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize