Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
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He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
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If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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