All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
