is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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