my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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