please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
