first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
